Saying Goodbye

Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.
John 19:25-27

The following was not written by me but by the great Max Lucado in his book No Wonder They Call Him the Savior. Chapter 5 in that book is called “Leaving is Loving.” It was given to me half a lifetime ago when I was in college. I can’t remember who gave it to me, but I’ve kept a copy of it ever since. It’s one of the most powerful things I’ve ever read in regards to leaving.

As my family and I pack up our house and prepare leave a life we’ve loved for nearly two decades, setting out for a new adventure with God in Kansas City, these words resonate deeply with me. Many people have recently asked me how I’m doing or how I’m feeling. In this beautifully written chapter from Lucado are the word that most closely represent my best answer to those questions.

The gospel is full of rhetorical challenges that test our faith and buck against human nature.

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.”

“Only in his home town and in his own house is a prophet without honor.”

But no statement is as confusing or frightening as the one in Matthew 19:29. “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.”

The part about leaving land and fields I can understand. It is the other part that causes me to cringe. It’s the part about leaving mom and dad, saying good-bye to brothers and sisters, placing a farewell kiss on a son or daughter. It is easy to parallel discipleship with poverty or public disgrace, but leaving my family? Why do I have to be willing to leave those I love? Can sacrifice get any more sacrificial than that?

“Woman, behold your son.”

Mary is older now. The hair at her temples is gray. Wrinkles have replaced her youthful skin. Her hands are callused. She has raised a houseful of children. And now she beholds the crucifixion of her firstborn.

One wonders what memories she conjures up as she witnesses his torture. The long ride to Bethlehem, perhaps. A baby’s bed made from cow’s hay. Fugitives in Egypt. At home in Nazareth. Panic in Jerusalem. “I thought he was with you!” Carpentry lessons. Dinner table laughter.

And then the morning Jesus came in from the shop early, his eyes firmer, his voice more direct. He had heard the news. “John is preaching in the desert.” Her son took off his nail apron, dusted off his hands, and with one last look said good-bye to his mother. They both knew it would never be the same again. In that last look they shared a secret, the full extent of which was too painful to say aloud.

Mary learned that day the heartache that comes from saying good-bye. From then on she was to love her son from a distance; on the edge of the crowd, outside of a packed house, on the shore of the sea. Maybe she was even there when the enigmatic promise was made, “Anyone who has left . . . mother . . . for my sake.”

Mary wasn’t the first one to be called to say good-bye to loved ones for sake of the kingdom. Joseph was called to be an orphan in Egypt. Jonah was called to be a foreigner in Nineveh. Hannah sent her firstborn son away to serve in the temple. Daniel was sent from Jerusalem to Babylon. Nehemiah was sent from Susa to Jerusalem. Abraham was sent to sacrifice his own son. Paul had to say good-bye to his heritage. The Bible is bound together with good-bye trails and stained with farewell tears.

In fact, it seems that good-bye is a word all too prevalent in the Christian’s vocabulary. Missionaries know it well. Those who send them know it too. The doctor who leaves the city to work in the jungle hospital has said it. So has the Bible translator who lives far from home. Those who feed the hungry, those who teach the lost, those who help the poor all know the word good-bye.

Airports. Luggage. Embraces. Taillights. “Wave to grandma.” Tears. Bus terminals. Ship docks. “Good-bye, Daddy.” Tight throats. Ticket counters. Misty eyes. “Write me!”

Question: What kind of God would put people through such agony? What kind of God would give you families and then ask you to leave them? What kind of God would give you friends and then ask you to say good-bye?

Answer: A God who knows that the deepest love is built not on passion and romance but on a common mission and sacrifice.

Answer: A God who knows that we are only pilgrims and that eternity is so close that any “Good-bye” is in reality a “See you tomorrow.”

Answer: A God who did it himself.

“Woman, behold your son.”

John fastened his arm around Mary a little tighter. Jesus was asking him to be the son that a mother needs and that in some ways he never was.

Jesus looked at Mary. His ache was from a pain far greater than that of the nails and thorns. In their silent glance they again shared a secret. And he said good-bye.
No Wonder They Call Him the Savior, Chapter 5, Max Lucado

I’m not under some illusion that I am making some great sacrifice for the Lord. I’m moving to the Overland Park area of Kansas which is consistently rated as one of the top 5 places in the country to raise a family. I’ve had good friends pick up everything, leave the comfort of the familiar, and go to Belize (The Zittles) and to Zambia (The Morreaus). I know there are Christians around the world who are persecuted and risking their very lives for the sake of the gospel.

Even with all that in mind, leaving is still hard. We’ve invested here for 19 years, so the roots run deep. Pulling up those roots in order to transplant them is very painful, even though the place we’re going is really good soil. We have so many blessings, promises, and prophetic words waiting to be fulfilled on the other side of this move. But right now we’re grieving the loss of so much. Yet, we’re choosing to see each loss not as something taken from us, but as something surrendered, something sacrificed to the only One who is worthy of such sacrifice.

Jesus, you left everything, the perfection of heaven, for our sake. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, you left your hometown, your good friends, your family, your mom, to do ministry and usher in the Kingdom of God among us. And, finally, you even said goodbye to life itself as you surrendered yourself fully to the Father on the cross. You’ve left more than I will ever comprehend, and you did it for my sake. You’ve said painful goodbyes at a level I will never fully understand. Thank you that you never ask us to do anything you haven’t already done in greater measure. Thank you that you understand painful goodbyes. Thank you for the gift of roots even though it hurts to transplant them. Amen.

Forfeit

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?
Matthew 16:24-26

One of the primary characteristics of a follower of Jesus is that they have denied themselves. To surrender our life to Jesus means that we are willing to lose our life. And when we deny ourselves–giving up our “rights” and the way we think our life should go–when we lose our life, we’ll discover the upside-down nature of the Kingdom of God. We’ll discover that we have found more life than we could possibly imagine.

This message was not popular in Jesus’s day. This message is not popular today. Instead, the message of the American culture is “I get to live my truth” or “I get to express myself in whatever way seems right to me.” This is not the way of Jesus.

There is a way that seems right to a person, but its end is the way that leads to death.
Proverbs 14:12

All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord.
Proverbs 16:2

When we decided to surrender to Jesus, invited the Holy Spirit to dwell in us, and chose to live the Christian life, we gave up our “No” to God. The process of discipleship–the process of sanctification and holiness–is that more and more the only answer we have left for Jesus is a “Yes.” We must be willing to totally and utterly give up on the “American dream” if we want to truly follow Jesus.

We’ve given up the right to demand that our material preferences, relational preferences, career preferences, sexual preferences, moral preferences, and social preferences be met. Our life is not our own. We were bought at a price and that price was Jesus’s death on the cross.

The Christian journey is a journey to the cross, not a journey to the palace. Only on the other side of “death of self” is there new life in Christ. We become a new self, a transformed self, a surrendered self, whose broken, sinful heart is made whole and clean. We are born anew and we experience that new birth daily.

Are you still saying “No” to God in some area of life? A “No” to God only brings death. But, a “Yes” to God brings a kind of death that leads to a resurrection of new life.

Give God your unconditional YES!

Letting Your “Yes” be Yes

And above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath. But let your “Yes” be yes and your “No” be no, so that you may not fall into judgment.
James 5:12 (New English Translation)

These scripture passages about swearing and oath-taking seem strange to the modern reader. But they are more relevant than we realize.

In Jewish culture, in order to guarantee that someone would keep their word–almost like signing a legal document today–a person would swear an oath. Usually this took the form, “May God do such-and-such to me if I do not fulfill this promise or perform this act.” As a safeguard against incurring the judgment of God, sometimes people would swear by the Temple, heaven, earth or Jerusalem. Even today, in cultish groups like the Freemasons, Shriners, etc, overt oaths like this are still taken (which is extremely dangerous and harmful to them and their descendants).

James follows the teaching of Jesus encouraging Christians to avoid making oaths altogether. Jesus taught:

“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
Matthew 5:33-37

Jesus and James both indicate the harm that can come from swearing an oath. The problem isn’t just the judgment that can come to a person and their ancestors if they don’t fulfill the oath, but also the way the evil one, Satan, can use an oath against a person. The enemy loves to make an unholy vow binding on a person’s life, locking that person into a state of imprisonment in that part of their life where the vow was made.

While this idea of swearing an oath or making a vow seems foreign to us today, many people do this without even realizing it. When a person gets hurt, the enemy often begins whispering lies to that person which result in that person making an unholy, inner vow. Satan then traps the person based on the inner vow that was made and shuts down that part of their life.

Common unbiblical, inner vows include:

“I will never let myself be hurt this way again!”
“I will never let anyone close to me again!”
“I will never trust men again!”
“I will prove to my dad that I have what it takes to succeed. I’ll show him I’m worth knowing.”
“I’ll never treat my kids like that!”
“I will not lose again. I will always find a way to win.”
“I will not have a marriage like that one!”
“I will never trust God again.”

When we make these kind of inner vows we are attempting to control something in our life that felt out of control. We are holding tightly to something that needs to be surrendered to the Lord. The vow is how we grasp at control, but then the evil one puts a spiritual handcuff around our wrist binding us to that unholy vow. If we don’t break the vow in Jesus’s name we’ll find that part of our life in bondage, unable to experience health.

If there is an area of your life that seems stuck, unable to grow or move forward, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal if you’ve unintentionally made a vow or an oath in that area of your life in the past. He may bring to mind a vow that you didn’t even remember or that you haven’t thought of in years.

If so, just pray, “Father, forgive me for making this unholy vow. I give You back control of this area of my life. I surrender it to You. And I break this vow in Jesus’ name! I render it powerless and void, and I cancel its effects in my life in Jesus’ name. And I invite Your blessing, Father, to flow into this part of my life. Thank you Lord for freedom!”