Tag: boundaries

Understanding True Love: Why Jesus Challenged Sin

Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” 

John 5:14

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

John 8:11

Jesus wasn’t afraid to tell people to leave their life of sin!

So why are we?

Jesus was the most loving person who ever existed. He was perfect love incarnate. Everything he did was pure love. And on more than one occasion he told the people that he had just rescued to stop sinning. What are we to make of this?

Imagine a young child swinging a razor blade around. Is it loving to let them continue? They are cutting themselves and harming the other kids around them. We don’t just let it continue. Even if they don’t harm the people around them, they are harming themselves and the very least. This is the nature of all sin. Anything that is outside of God’s design for our life is a razor blade in the hands of a child. The most loving thing we can do is to call them to stop. Jesus knew this. When Jesus calls people to stop sinning, it’s actually the most loving thing he could say.

Our culture struggles with a healthy understanding of what love really is. Too often, our culture conflates “acceptance” with love and in doing so ends up enabling sin. We learn from the addiction community that enabling addiction is the opposite of love even though it “feels” very loving. When we cover for a spouse who is addicted and we think we’re showing love and grace, we’re actually enabling the very things that are destroying the person’s life. The addiction community helps us see clearly that enabling sin is not loving. Affirming sin is not loving. Covering for sin is not loving.

And while our culture has finally learned this after decades of research on addiction, it struggles to apply this lesson to all forms of sin. We see this with many forms of modern parenting. Three year old kids are being “reasoned” with as if they are adults. Over and over again these young parents were wrongly taught that setting healthy boundaries of discipline could somehow harm their kids. So, instead, the kid ends up running the house and becomes filled with anxiety as he subconsciously realizes that he’s in charge.

We also see this same thing in church scandals. The enablement of sin and the covering of sin was mistaken for what it means to be “loving.” So church leaders across the country in various denominations were never called out for their sexual sin and abuse. And as they continued in their lifestyle of sin, more and more people were harmed. Again, enabling sin is not loving. Covering for sin is not loving. Challenging sin is the most loving thing that could have happened.

We also see this with the affirmation of all kinds of different sexual expressions and gender identities in the LGBTQ community. The affirmation of sin is confused with what it means to be loving. But enabling sin isn’t loving. And we’re starting to see the harmful ramifications of young children being mutilated with puberty blockers and horrifying surgeries. This is what happens when people confuse affirmation with love. But enabling sin isn’t loving. Affirming sin isn’t loving. Covering for sin isn’t loving.

And these are just three obvious examples in our culture, but there are hundreds more. I think the enemy takes people’s deep desire to be loving and compassionate and manipulates it into something harmful. The desire to love is good. Compassion is good. Accepting people in all their weaknesses is good. But true love sets boundaries. True love calls out sin. True love holds people accountable to the damage their lifestyles of sin cause. Jesus was true love in action, and this is why he called people out on their sin. Sin always hurts the person sinning, and when left unchecked, ends up hurting the people closest to them.

Appeasement

In the course of time, Absalom provided himself with a chariot and horses and with fifty men to run ahead of him. He would get up early and stand by the side of the road leading to the city gate. Whenever anyone came with a complaint to be placed before the king for a decision, Absalom would call out to him, “What town are you from?” He would answer, “Your servant is from one of the tribes of Israel.” Then Absalom would say to him, “Look, your claims are valid and proper, but there is no representative of the king to hear you.” And Absalom would add, “If only I were appointed judge in the land! Then everyone who has a complaint or case could come to me and I would see that they receive justice.”

Also, whenever anyone approached him to bow down before him, Absalom would reach out his hand, take hold of him and kiss him. Absalom behaved in this way toward all the Israelites who came to the king asking for justice, and so he stole the hearts of the people of Israel.

2 Samuel 15:1-6

King David was a great king but not always a great father. Absalom was exiled from Jerusalem for killing his brother for three years. But Absalom, like a politician, began to lobby for his own return. Eventually King David appeased Absalom and allowed him to live in Jerusalem, but David would not allow him in the royal court. Absalom then began to lobby for two more years to get a face-to-face with the king. Eventually, King David appeased Absalom once again.

What did all of this appeasement accomplish? Instead of gratitude, it showed Absalom that David could be lobbied and manipulated. Absalom took advantage of this. Whenever someone came to Jerusalem with a complaint, Absalom would set himself up as their advocate. He would flatter them and campaign for his own rise to power. After doing this unchecked for a time, he stole the hearts of the people of Israel. Many wanted Absalom to be king instead of his father David.

This is usually the result of appeasement.

My wife and I were watching the movie Harriet the other night which tells the story of the life of Harriet Tubman. Her story is really important to me because I helped to create and launch an anti-trafficking organization that we named after her. It’s called Araminta Freedom Initiative (her given slave name was Araminta and often shortened to “Minty”).

There was a moment in the movie when the Underground Railroad, which had organized the escape and freedom of so many slaves, faced a new U.S. law that made their mission 100 times more difficult. It was the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850. It allowed slave hunters to bring slaves back from the North even after they had escaped. So, in order to escape to freedom, slaves now had to make it not just to Pennsylvania but all the way to Canada. The only reason this law was passed was to appease the Southern states. It was an attempt to avoid secession. It was appeasement in its purest form, and the effects were devastating. It didn’t accomplish unity in the end as civil war happened anyway.

History would learn again about the harmful effects of appeasement in the 1930s with Nazi Germany. Over and over again, appeasement was offered as a way to avoid war. Over and over again Nazi Germany gained more control, power, and influence in the region. Appeasement not only failed, as WWII came anyway, but it harmed entire people groups in the process.

When someone is clearly in the wrong, the enemy always dangles the option of appeasement in front of people who are afraid of conflict. This option is often touted as a form of peace-keeping. But Jesus never called us to be peace-keepers. He called us to be peace-makers. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9). Peace-making often involves setting hard and fast boundaries, engaging in conflict instead of avoiding it, and not believing the lie of appeasement.

King David appeased Absalom and almost completely lost his throne. The North tried to appease the South and thousands of slaves were torn away from freedom and return to slavery in the process. Yet, the Civil War came anyway. The world tried to appease Nazi Germany to avoid war. Yet, genocide and WWII were the devastating results.

Appeasement is never the right way forward when what you’re dealing with is clearly not what God wants. We should never let conflict avoidance lead us to passive acquiescence. In the end, it causes more harm.